Anger

“To forgive is indeed the best form of self-interest since anger, resentment, and revenge are corrosive of that "summum bonum," the greatest good” by Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Anger is the topic of the post on the blog ‘Thought for the day’ today. I know that a lot of people suffer from this feeling and they also cause to suffer other people who are around them. All negative emotions when left uncontrolled cause a lot of damage both to the person who is carrying the emotion and to those who become the objects of the implementation of the emotion. I am sure that the reason for such a high number of people who experience pangs of hatred is due to the fact that most people do not understand where the anger comes from and how to deal with it. 

How does anger come?

 

There are a lot of reasons why people get angry. Most often it comes from dissatisfaction about their lives. When you are unhappy about your life and its circumstances you will definitely feel anger. When something does not happen according to your plans and expectations you will often experience this feeling too. If the person has heard (and continues hearing) a lot of negative and bad words about himself, he will probably suffer from the negative emotion a lot more than the one who heard a lot of positive things about himself from childhood. I myself have suffered from the feeling a lot and as far as I see these three causes are most usual ones for the arousal of the emotion. 

When we look around and we see that other people have more things, achieved greater things and we see them happy and then we compare ourselves to them and the fact is clear that we have less and we have achieved less, this causes us to constantly feel nervous. A lot of things happen not as we have planned. It happens daily and if you are not able to admit the fact you will lose patience daily and will constantly walk with a feeling of petulance. If your father, mother or any other person were constantly saying bad words to you, it is not a big surprise if you often experience anger. 

Anger management

 

“It's never what people do that make us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did” by Marshall Rosenberg.

I am sure that you have to stop comparing yourself with others (especially those who have achieved more) and constantly concentrating on what you do not have. Think on what you do have and maybe sometimes compare yourself to those who have less. This will give you a sense of gratitude and gratitude will take away discontent that is cause by ever present unhappiness caused by concentration on what is missing in your life. Learn to enjoy what you have. Your value does not depend on what you have or don’t have. You were created by God Almighty according to His image and likeness. That’s the measure of your value. Don’t you use other measures. They will only make you feel inferior and unhappy, and also angry.

Your attitude to what happens is more important than things which happen to you. Your reaction is the key. As I said, things that you have not planned happen and this can make you angry. But it only makes you angry if you see that as a bad thing. It is not bad in itself. You can find a way out of it. Try to see something good about it. Maybe it will turn out better than you have planned. Even if it won’t, it should not make you unhappy. Allow modifications to your plans or even a complete failure of them. Learn to react positively to it and you will learn how to get rid of your dissatisfaction.

If you heard and keep hearing a lot of negative words about yourself, you probably need to change your friends and find those that would be optimists and could say you something good daily. I would also encourage you read Bible daily. You will find out how great God’s love for you is. This will naturally take away your feeling of bitterness. His love gives deep inner satisfaction and irritation goes away unnoticed.
I hope you found something useful about anger management.

See also:

Problems

Positive attitude

Anger on Wikipedia

Problems

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” by Albert Einstein. 

You cannot avoid problems

 

Problems is the topic of the post on the blog ‘Thought for the day’ today. I am convinced that you know what a problem is, because this is a thing that you face every day. I have no doubt that we face problematic questions in almost any area in our lives daily. Your attitude towards those situations is the key to finding a solution. There are a lot of ways how people deal with various unpleasant questions in their lives. Some try to get rid of any responsibility for solving them. Others overpowered by those situations start using alcohol. Yet others don’t worry and deal with those things with absolute peace in their hearts. If you are worn down by your problems I have good news for you: you are alive, rejoice. Only dead people cease having troubles. Therefore, don’t be unhappy about that. Let us better look how you can deal with your troubles. 

Depending on your attitude, problems may and may not cause you stress

 

The worst thing about problems is that they cause us stress. A lot of people drink various medicines to relieve that, but since they are constantly using those remedies this causes even more troubles for their health. What is to be done? Most people take things too seriously and react to situations that arise in their homes or at work very emotionally. If we learned how to views our problems in a positive light we would be able to avoid stress at the maximum. I wrote a lot on thought-feeling relationship and can repeat myself a little. 

Stressful thoughts create stressful feelings and that is our greatest trouble

 

Problems start causing us damage when we have troublesome, stressful thoughts in our minds towards situations that arise daily. If we start panicking, or get nervous or angry by seeing what happened we will definitely get under a stress and that is the biggest problem. It does not lie in the fact that we have a troublesome situation in our lives, but troublesome thoughts in our minds. You need to change something about your thoughts and a change in your feelings (that are mere consequences of your thinking) will come.

Change stressful thoughts to peaceful thoughts 

 

A real solution to your problems come when you change your thoughts from stressful ones to peaceful ones and then take action to solve your troubles with peace in your heart. Try to see that your situation is not the end of the world and even if you fail, there is no need to panic. You will be able to do better next time. See problems as part of your daily life and opportunities for you to get stronger and more mature personality. Rejoice that you have them for it means that you can still grow in all aspect of your life. 

And finally thank God for your problems. 

See also:

Good thoughts

Negative thinking

Habits

“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it” by Horace Mann.

Habit is the topic of my post on the blog ‘Thought for the day’ today. As far as I remember I have dealt a little with the theme when I wrote a post on addictions, but that was long time ago and as I expect to renew the article from time to time I want to try to cover the subject from all possible aspect. Of course, I will not be able to do it today. I think it will be an intro now and will grow to an expanded article later. 

What is a habit?

 

A habit is a repetitive behavior that is done subconsciously. It forms over a period of time and as time passes by the habits that we have formed become stronger and more difficult to change than they are at the stage of habit formation. A subtotal of our habits makes up our personalities and distinguishes us from other people who have a different set of habits. Therefore, I will boldly state that we are who we are because of our habits. But how do we form one?

Habit formation

 

Habit formation is very much connected with our likes. We will definitely form a habit around something we like, good or bad. When we repeat a certain thing for a number of times or days, most probably it will get used to doing it daily. Some say that it takes about two weeks, some about 30 days to form a habit. I am not sure if after that period the practice will become habitual, but more chances are that it will. For some people one day is enough to get addicted to this thing or that. Don’t get me wrong, the same principle works for the good. We can get used to doing a good thing in no time. 

Make a plan how you are going to deal with your bad habits

 

Once a habit is formed it starts controlling our lives. We do the thing automatically. Imagine how destructive it is if the thing we do habitually is bad in itself. It takes time to change it and there has to be willingness and dedication on our part. One should have a definite plan of actions how he is intending to get rid of an old habit and develop a new one. I believe we can not get rid of the old one without accepting the new. There are no empty places in universe and you cannot expect that by simply kicking the old practice something will radically change. No, you will have to form new practices. 

Habits start forming in minds first

 

Any change starts in your mind first. Therefore you should start seeing yourself (in your imagination) without the old thing and doing the new thing. This is called disassociation and association. You begin by disassociating yourself from the old habit and associating yourself with a new one. Do it daily till it becomes a part of your daily (mental) routine.

Learn to control your thoughts

 

You will then have to learn to control your thoughts, which will give you power to control your feelings. You should not be led by your feelings for they will bring you trouble. You cannot behave the way you feel all the time. Allow only thoughts which you select to dominate in your mind, not random ones that cause all possible negative feelings and emotions. 

Find things you enjoy and make them a habit

Since habit formation is connected with things that you like, try to find things that you enjoy and they are not harmful, but beneficial both for you and your family. They should be things that you could do every day for to form a long term practice you need to do the thing every day. This could be reading something inspirational in the morning, or running in the evening, or doing odd jobs about the house. 

Do it every day

 

Then you will have to do the thing every day. It is highly improbable for something to become a new habit if you do it once a week or once in a while. Do it daily for at least 40 days. Then stop to see how much progress you have made. Don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t see much change. You will if you go on.

Ok, I guess it’s enough for today. I will try to update the post about change of habits next week.

See also:

Attitude and character

Wikipedia on habits

Negative thinking

Negative thinking is the topic of the post on the ‘Thought for the day’ blog today. I hope you have noticed that I write more on positive thinking in my articles, but I decided to deal with the opposite of it too. I believe we have to stress more the positive aspect of the subject, but as most people suffer from abundance of negativity in their lives, pessimistic way of thinking should also be discussed. I have suffered a lot from the thing and believe can give you some ideas on how to reverse your thoughts from negative to positive. 

What is negative thinking?

 

Negative mentality is seeing everything from a negative point of view. Somehow whatever happens, a person notices only the dark side of a situation. People who are controlled by this kind of thinking fail to notice abundance of good things that happen in their lives daily. This is due to the fact that the pattern of the direction of their thoughts is towards pessimism and any sign of positivism is ignored subconsciously. 

How is negative mentality formed?

 

How does it happen? Nobody is born to be a skeptic. People make themselves that way. In most situations they accept negative mental attitude in their childhood while growing up in environment saturated with pessimism, skepticism and criticism. They hear a lot of bad words, the world for them is painted in the darkest colors, they are taught to distrust everybody. This information is later confirmed in life by their negative experiences and failures. If they fail a few times in a row they start believing that they are born to be failures and are good for nothing. When they fail next time they accept it as part of their personality. This as you may understand becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and they are doomed to repeat the thing till they change their self image and way of thinking. 

Negative feelings are the consequences and negative thinking is the cause

 

The obvious consequence of negative thinking is all possible bad feelings, lack of confidence in all activities that the person undertakes, problems in relationships and many more. When we fail to control our negative thoughts we will never be able to control our feelings. I talked a lot on the point when I discussed influence of thoughts in our lives. Lots of medicine today which is meant to help a person to get rid of bad feelings only affects the effect of the problem, not the root of it. Feelings as you understand are the effect, thoughts are the cause. 

How to get rid of negative thinking?

 

So if you want to change your feelings, change your thoughts. If sadness, depression, hopelessness are your daily reality, try to deal with your thoughts, not with your feelings. The root of negative mentality is negative thoughts that stay in our minds. Replace them with positive ones and half the job is done. Then keep to those thoughts and the other half of the job will be done.

I hope you see how bad consequences of negative thinking are. 

See also:

Positive thinking 

Positive attitude

Purpose

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for” by William Shedd. 

Purpose in life is the topic of the post on the blog ‘Thought for the day’ today. Whether we admit it or not, we all need a purpose for our lives. There might be even more than one. However, you will never be able to get anywhere without having some goal in your mind. A target in life helps you to see what you want in life and possibly decide what steps you should take in order to achieve it. Let us try to look at the spheres of life where you definitely need a purpose and how to achieve that. 

Being in unity with God is the essence of human existence and purpose in life

Maybe you do not see that it is important, but I do. There is a call for eternity and Somebody greater in every human spirit. This tells me that we subconsciously feel that there is a God. That’s why so many religions of the world were born. People feel and believe that there is a Creator. If you asked two people what they think on the question you would probably get three answers. With proper respect to all religions I say that I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God that redeemed us from our sins and brings us into unity and harmony with God. If you want to have peace with God you have to believe in Jesus redemption. When you find this kind of peace all other purposes in life start falling into their proper places. 

Happiness is another purpose in life

It is natural for human beings to pursue happiness. God created us that way. Although it is a state that is mostly connected with our emotional states and a very temporary state, however we need those kinds of states each day. We are emotional beings and feelings are very important for us. We need to feel joy, love, peace and other positive emotions every day. You experience those things more often when you harbor thoughts of joy, love, peace and etc. for thoughts brings emotions after their kind. 

Going after your calling in life should be your life purpose

Whatever you think about your talents, capabilities and possibilities, you do have a vocation in life. I do not believe you will ever be satisfied without knowing what your calling is and without trying to fulfill that call in your life. Some people never find who they really are. I think they do not seriously search for it. There cannot be a greater sense of satisfaction when you know what to do and actually do it. Being yourself in the place that is meant for you is the purpose you should strive for. Don’t look at others. They have their own callings. Go after yours. 

Let helping others be one of your purposes in life

Egoism perverts life. Life is supposed to be flowing from us towards others, not only from others towards us. We do need attention, love and care from others, but if you get it and you never give it back for those you are around you and those who are desperate for it you are missing the mark. You are going against universal principles of life. In nature, where things are distorted by sin, you see the strong killing the weak and the weak serving the strong. It has never been meant to be that way. We are supposed to share the good that we have with those who lack it. Harmony in relationship will be a consequence of this kind of behavior. I do not want to be a utopian, but I believe all society could be different if everyone tried to follow the principle. God help us to do it.

How to find purpose in life?

I think this question has been answered in part, for I have talked about unity with God, seeking for happiness and helping other. A few ideas can be given in terms of searching for your vocation. A lot of people hate their jobs. On Sunday they shiver from the thought that they will have to go back to work on Monday. Statistics show that most people would not come back to their jobs if they won a lottery. Most people limit themselves by their very own thinking. They believe that they do not have other choice but to work for others and do what they actually hate. 

Nothing can be further from the truth. You can do what you want and make money doing that. Firstly you have to decide on what you would want to do. Think about it. Spend a lot of time dreaming about it and imagining yourself in that position, whether it is a job or your own business or working for nonprofit organization, or being on a mission. Then you can start thinking about the ‘how’. After spending a lot of times thinking about the thing will prepare you psychologically and help you to believe that it is possible. You might get ideas on the ‘how’ in the process too. 

I would also encourage you to read about people who have achieved their dreams. This will give you a lot of inspiration and motivate you to do the same. It can also give you additional ideas on the ‘how’ to do it. This will help you see yourself in a position of a winner and forget your past mistakes and failures. Read something along the lines every week. Make it a habit. I believe one day I will be reading your success story. 

I hope the post was helpful and useful for you and you have a better understanding about purpose in life. I do not want to expand on the topic for you will have to find your unique way how to do that. I will surely add more to the post when I get more ideas which I believe will be beneficial for you.

Read my previous post:

Leaving friends

Today's post:

Thought for the day 19th of June 2011

Suffering

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ''Blessed are they that mourn” by C.S. Lewis. 

Suffering is the topic of the post. It might be a philosophical and religious theme, but as everybody experiences this thing it goes well beyond category of philosophy and religion. There are so many questions that one could discuss on the topic, but I do not think I or anybody else could cover it in one article or even entire website dedicated for this specific subject. However, I will try to express some of my thoughts on the subject. I hope you will be encouraged and strengthened by that. 

Is God guilty for our suffering?

A lot of people blame God for their suffering. They cannot comprehend how loving and kind God can allow his creation to suffer so much. Diseases, famines, wars and death cause millions of people experience all possible kind of pain. Most of them attribute the responsibility for these things on God. Nothing can be further from the truth. God never planned suffering and all the above mentioned calamities. 

Human beings cause suffering themselves

If you read the book of Genesis you will see that God’s plan was perfect. There was no evil in the earth. There was no conflict between the first people, only love, joy, peace and similar qualities ruled in their relationship. Change came when a human being disobeyed God and broke His eternal command. Then things started spiraling out of control. That’s when sin with its entire attributes came into the world. Only then people found out what suffering is. And God is in no way connected with it. They were warned of the consequences of sinning. But they disobeyed. So, who is guilty? People were then and people are today. 

Sin brings suffering

We allow sin to dominate in our minds, souls, relationships, dreams and etc. although God Almighty has made atonement for us with the help of his Son. But we have to believe it and accept it. Then live trusting Him and following His word as well as principles that He established before creation of the world. If you trust Him, He protects you from a lot of bad evil things of this world. I know that bad things sometimes happen to good people and I am not going to pretend to know all the answers, but still there is protection for those who trust Him. 

Trust Him and you will experience more blessings than suffering

I know that as long as we live in this world there will be some suffering and it will entirely disappear when we die and come to live with Jesus. However, even in the world as we have it today, you can experience much more joy, happiness and blessings than sufferings. Why? Because faith attracts things you expect. If you stopped believing God for good things to come, they stop coming. And don’t be deceived; good things do not come because you are good, but because you believe. That’s how the law of attraction works. So, believe God for blessings and you will have a lot more of them than sufferings. 

Read my previous post:

Feeling rich or being rich